Good evening, this is Roland Deschain live from Messina, tonight’s news desk's littered with stories we heard from people who heard about them from someone who may or may not have been present.
Topping the bill tonight, reports from the fabulous masked revelries at the Governor House. There are reports coming in of an agreement reached regarding the perfect man. This hypothetical excellent man, apparently a joined Don John and Signor Benedick, with half of Signor Benedick’s tongue in Don John’s mouth, and half of Don John’s melancholy in Signor Benedick’s face. The Governor’s niece, Beatrice, was overheard adding a below the belt quality to this perfect man.
In related news, all bachelors seeking to woo Beatrice, her shrewd tongue, and “good will,” should approach with a 5 O’clock shadow, as it was overheard she can not endure a husband with a beard on his face, nor a husband that hath no beard. The good lady apparently is not accepting gentleman callers that are “more than a youth,” nor “less than a man.” Those falling within that slim window should report to the house of Leonato.
Reports indicate dancing and merriment was a plenty in the revelries. A masked Don Pedro was seen dancing and talking with the Governor’s daughter, Hero. Conflicting reports are coming in of Don Pedro enamored and swearing affection for and attempting to woo the good lady for himself. As well reports indicate Don Pedro’s attempts were to secure Hero’s affections for his officer and friend, Claudio.
After speaking briefly with the maskless Don John, the masked Claudio was seen briefly going mad and storming from the party, muttering to himself: the prince woos for himself, friendship is constant in all things but love, I should have negotiated myself, my own tongue and eye, beauty's a witch that turn a man against his friends. In a sad and hasty personal retreat, he bid a somber farewell to Hero. This reporter can only hope that Claudio, the solider, did not retreat from battle as quick as Claudio, the potential fiancée.
Also seen dancing were Beatrice and the masked Benedick. It seems it was a bad night for men in masks, as Beatrice was overheard telling Benedick to his face he is a jester, a dull fool, a slanderer, suitable only for the company of libertines, and his utter rudeness angers men causing them to laugh and want to beat on him. It is unknown whether or not Beatrice knew she was talking to Benedick who was later observed repeating the vicious litany of personal character flaws and still later fled the party at the mere approach of the lady, Beatrice.
There are reports that late in the evening Claudio and Don Pedro cleared the earlier confusion and anger as Claudio learned that Don Pedro had successfully wooed in his favor and the fair Hero had been won. There was however no report of Claudio using his early mentioned own tongue to communicate with his future wife. Indeed, reports indicate that the joyful couple did not say one word to each other. This reporter cannot help but be swept up in the deafening forces of true love. A marriage was requested to Hero’s father by Claudio for tomorrow, however Leonato “seeking too have all things answered in his mind” set the marriage for one week from today. There are no reports of what answers or questions the bride to be may or may not have.
There was a final rumor overheard at the party’s end of a group-wide conspiracy to set up and join together Beatrice and Benedick, both of whom have publicly affirmed bachelorhood for life and who seemingly hate each other with an exponentially growing passion once thought endearingly comic but which has of late devolved into acerbic, vicious deriding ridicule.
Although this emotional day seems to have come to an end, stay tuned as it would appear that things are far from over as various undercurrents, sub plots, second hand sniping, rumor, innuendos, and deception may be approaching their boiling point, suggesting that even the most benign incident could touch off a full scale “merry war.”
Now here’s Tom with the weather………..
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